Sep 5, 2007

Why Shouldn't (Eye-Gouging/Groin Kicking/Ninja Tactics) Be My Primary Focus In Self Defense? (The Skinny on Self Defense Courses)


Today, I'm going to explain to everyone why focusing on the eyes and groin is not quite the right answer for self defense. To all the RBSDer's, Krotty-Moms, and Ninjers who managed to find their way to this post, drop the defensive attitude and read. As a matter of fact, after this article, I guarantee that the likelihood of your "deadly" moves actually working in a fight will improve drastically.

(Disclaimer: No, I do not have a problem with women's self defense classes or women in martial arts. I encourage it, actually. I DO, however, have a problem with poorly taught women's self defense classes. ...And people taking ninjitsu, because I don't like overgrown children.)

So, without further ado:

To anyone who has ever seen a Rape Prevention Class before, what are the most general techniques you see utilized?

"Attacker's on top? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Attacker's on the side? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Attacker's on the bottom? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Attacker's rushing at you? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Attacker's grabbing at you? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Potential Attacker's in his own home, reading his morning paper? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."


(Add an optional "Blow a whistle, yell, call the police" to the end of those.)

To anyone who has ever seen a RBSD class...

"Homeless guy's on top? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Homeless guy's on the side? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Homeless guy's on the bottom? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Homeless guy's rushing at you? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Homeless guy's grabbing at you? He's going to rape you.
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."
"Potential Homeless guy's at his desk job, about to get fired? He's going to rape you."
Eye gouge him. Knee him in the balls."


...And people wonder why I have a problem taking these classes and the people who pay for them seriously.

Do you really need training to learn that getting a finger in your eye or that the contact between patella and scrotum is excruciatingly painful? If you do, you may as well just start running around wearing nothing but your birthday suit, a little pink bowtie, and a large Bull's Eye painted on your rear end. Honestly, for people who do the majority of the fear mongering, they really don't know jack about their own subject.

"GASP! How dare you insult people whose job it is to teach us common people the way of Self-Defense-Do. What do YOU know, you bastard?"

Whoa, whoa. Calm down.
I didn't say Eye Gouging and Groin Hunting aren't viable techniques. Hell, if you can turn your opponent's head into a bowling ball for a moment, or if you turn your assailant into a eunuch by way of kneeing, you're most likely going to win the fight. Problem is, the people who focus so much on training on a handful of high-damage moves, whether it is a knife hand chop to the neck, or aforementioned eye gouging and groin kicking, have no idea how to apply them against someone who is actually unwilling to lose the fight.

Why? Here's how most college/community center-sponsored Rape Defense Classes are taught. Guy in a large red foam suit tries to grab at you/put you in a compromising position. Lady student, not bothering to react in a defensive manner AT ALL, aims her open hands at the helmet, thrusts forward with enough speed to make a turtle jealous, yells "STOP IT!" and proceeds to kick the guy in the balls. Then, after running like the wind, she is told to quickly and calmly produce the whistle from her purse (which, of course the center is giving out for free), and blow on it, waiting for a police officer to arrive. I'm almost willing to bet that the person who designed the class is actually a rapist himself.
"Yes, yes.... if all of my potential victims take this class, I will be completely unstoppable!"

Yeah, no. That's not going to work. Nor is rape funny. Stop giggling. -_-

Need I go into the knife defenses in these classes? Let me just sum it up really quickly.
  1. No, there really isn't any to consistently defend against all blade attacks. It's just that some styles are just significantly better at it.
  2. If you learned a (Karate/TKD/Aikido/Other Mcdojofied training style) knife defense, congratulations. You just learned how assist your attacker in killing you. Bravo.

Before ending this rage-fueled post, I did promise the LARPing portion of the readers on how to increase their chances of success in defending with such tactics. Read on.

The PUNCHKICKCHOKE Guide To Making "T3h D34dlY" Work.

  1. People are extremely wary of dangers coming at their vital areas.

    - Going straight for the eyes/groin? I know that's how you were taught. But I also know that it's either going to be blocked, or you're just going to miss altogether under pressure. So do something unexpected and clinch him straight on, then knee. It'll take him by surprise, and it'll take his arms out of the equation for a precious few moments. Hell, slap him, then knee. Just do SOMETHING right before the actual attack. The actually important thing is, though, to train your moves with resistance, and work on creating space between you and your opponent until the opportune time.

    (
    http://punchkickchoke.blogspot.com/2007/08/importance-of-aliveness-in-martial-arts.html)

  2. Be proactive.

    - Sometimes there won't be an opportune time. Only trying to counter once the danger has been determined is like playing the lottery with an amazing chance of winning. However, the only prize is getting punched in the face. Attack!

    (
    http://punchkickchoke.blogspot.com/2007/09/dog-brothers-important-lesson-from-kali.html)

  3. Learn other moves, for Christ's sakes.

    - Ties into #1. Use other moves/positions to set up your attack rather than going with a pre-planned, telegraphed attack directly. People who like BSing/train poorly talk about how they can stop any takedown. But evidence shows that they actually can't.
    Why is this? Because modern-day grapplers are smarter, and realize that if you set up for a takedown with strikes/countering + force, it becomes extremely easy to perform. So, what should be a move you see from miles away becomes an extremely effective maneuver. Use that principle.

  4. Your shitty Beginner's (Hap/Ai)kido wrist grabbing isn't going to work. Accept it.

    - Yeah, don't bother arguing otherwise. Unless you're law enforcement, and you have something to assist you (Someone else/Large caliber firearm pointed at assailant)

  5. Don't take Ninjitsu for Self Defense.

    - Duh. If you need me to explain, you deserve a horrible death.

  6. If you're good at groundwork, that's awesome. But being in the guard against a knife is very, very bad.

    - Yeah, I'm all for grapplers, but I cringe whenever a beginner BJJ instructor tries to teach 'effective' knife technqiues from the guard. The only way you're going to win a fight with the bad guy on top is if you have an exceptional hold on the attacking arm before going to the ground, and are only getting on your back for a quick armbar. Not likely, though.

  7. Don't believe anything someone who teaches rape defense spews out of their mouths. Go to an actual school of some kind if you're interested in defending yourself.
    (And make sure the school is legitimate, please.
    http://punchkickchoke.blogspot.com/2007/07/what-is-mcdojoism-read-and-never-be.html)

    - Read the other half of the post if you skipped up to the list.
    Also, if you're not considering going to a school regularly because of time commitments, call your local school. I'm sure the head instructor can set something up for you.

I know I missed out on a lot of other things that are wrong with the "Soccer Mom Self Defense" world, but I really just didn't feel like writing that much more.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you learned something.
-y

2 comments:

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DefendThyself said...

You are right, whatever it takes to win the fight, poke them in the eye, cut their groins, bite their ear! Don't let a punk take you out. Some good death fighting techniques will save your butt when it gets ugly. Good article!

Christopher Winkler
http://defendthyself.com