Feb 2, 2011

First Time Watching the Ultimate Fighting Championship? A Lighthearted Primer on the Rules of the UFC

I'm writing this post not because I think my readers are idiots and don't know the first thing about the rules of a UFC fight, but because I kind of wanted to have a post they could send people to when watching a PPV or a rerun of "UFC Unleashed" with a MMA Newbie for the first time, and don't want to have to deal with the usual "why doesn't he do this?!" or "why is the referee separating them?" questions.

Also, I was at a bar watching UFC: Fight for the Troops and wanted to RNC a few drunk people here and there making stupid comments. That residual smoldering rage might have something to do with this.

Straight from UFC.com, here are the Rules of the Octagon (With personal commentary when I feel like it):

GSP at the weigh-in before stretching out Dan Hardy's limbs like a disgruntled thai masseuse on meth at UFC 118

Weight Classes:

Bantamweight         over 125 lbs. to 135 lbs.
Featherweight         over 135 lbs. to 145 lbs.
Lightweight             over 145 lbs. to 155 lbs.
Welterweight          over 155 lbs. to 170 lbs.
Middleweight          over 170 lbs. to 185 lbs.
Light Heavyweight  over 185 lbs. to 205 lbs.
Heavyweight           over 205 lbs. to 265 lbs.

If your neophyte friend wants to watch mixed weight class fights, watch old Pride FC fights- Japanese promoters love to play on the whole extreme duality thing and if they could have, they might have signed on a midget (I had to refrain from making a Sean Sherk joke here) to fight 2 Sumo wrestlers strapped together back to back.

The closest you get to that with American fighters is watching BJ Penn's fights from a while back when he tried to keep going up weight classes (he fought Lyoto Machida a long time ago at 205, if you remember). The speculation from critics on that part of his career ranges from "he wanted to test himself to the limit as a fighter" to "he thought eating the entire McDonalds value menu for every meal was an effective form of cardio at the time."

Bout Duration:
  • All non-championship bouts shall be three rounds.
  • All championship bouts shall be five rounds.
  • Rounds will be five minutes in duration.
  • A one-minute rest period will occur between each round.
This is not to be confused with the Bout Duration rules of "Chess Boxing" which are:
  • There will be 4 minute round of Chess to begin the bout
  • This is followed by 3 minutes of Boxing
  • There are a possible total of 11 rounds - 6 rounds of Chess, 5 of Boxing
  • The bout ends early with either a checkmate or a KO
  • The bout may also end if one fighter sits in his corner after the round and starts crying over the fact that he is participating in the athletic equivalent of batshit lunacy.

Joe Son's sex change operation by Dr. Hackney

  1. Butting with the head.
  2. Eye gouging of any kind.
  3. Biting.
  4. Hair pulling.
  5. Fish hooking.
  6. Groin attacks of any kind.
  7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent.
  8. Small joint manipulation.
  9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head.
  10. Striking downward using the point of the elbow.
  11. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea.
  12. Clawing, pinching or twisting of the flesh.
  13. Grabbing the clavicle.
  14. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent.
  15. Kneeing the head of a grounded opponent.
  16. Stomping a grounded opponent.
  17. Kicking to the kidney with the heel.
  18. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his head or neck.
  19. Throwing an opponent out of the ring or fenced area.
  20. Holding the shorts or gloves of an opponent
  21. Spitting at an opponent.
  22. Engaging in an unsportsmanlike conduct that causes injury to an opponent.
  23. Holding the ropes or the fence.
  24. Using abusive language in the ring or fenced area.
  25. Attacking an opponent on or during the break.
  26. Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee.
  27. Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat.
  28. Flagrantly disregarding the instructions of the referee.
  29. Timidity, including, but without limitation, avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury.
  30. Interference by the corner.
  31. Throwing in the towel during competition.
 The original UFC Foul rules were actually much simpler before Johnny Law came knocking with regulations starting with UFC 12 where weight classes were set:
  1. No biting
  2. No eye gouging
  3. Try not to pull hair, headbutt, kick your opponent in the dick, or fishhook them.*
  4.  No inviting Sen. John McCain to your UFC PPV parties.**
*   Actually true, these were more "guideline" rules than actual DQ-able fouls.
** May not be factually accurate, citation needed. But, still counts as a party foul regardless.

"OW!" - Rich Franklin

Ways to Win:

  1. Submission by:
    • Physical tap out.
    • Verbal tap out.
  2. Technical knockout by the referee stopping the contest. 
  3. Decision via scorecards, including:
    • Unanimous decision
    • Split decision
    • Majority decision
    • Draw:
      Unanimous draw.
      Majority draw.
      Split draw.

  4. Technical decision.

  5. Technical draw.

  6. Disqualification

  7. Forfeit.

  8. No contest.

9. Breakdance competition! Anyone? No? Best Bruce Lee impression? Anderson Silva would win  anyway...

Okay, so maybe I pick on Josh K. a bit much on this blog.

Referee may restart the round:

If the fighters reach a stalemate and do not work to improve position or finish. 

...And then we get to hear Joe Rogan bitch about how they should let the jiu jitsu guy work his guard for another minute or two, before remembering that the people Dana White and Zuffa inc have to cater to are the same people who used to watch Fear Factor and so, they must stand the fighters up for more fist swinging. This depresses him for a second before passing the joint to Eddie Bravo and blowing smoke in Mike Goldberg's ear to distract him from playing 'Angry Birds' on his iPhone during the fight.


Well, there is your UFC Rules Primer- If you have a MMA virgin coming to watch the fight with you, have him read this first to save you a potential headache during the big fight!


Anonymous said...

lol - good post

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