May 16, 2011

30 Second Synopsis of Fast Five (aka Fast and the Furious 5)

I saw Fast Five last week while sick, and I thought I'd recap it for you guys:

After the events of F&F4 (Fast and Furious), the gang head down to Brazil, on the lam from the law. They reconnect with Vince, bearded douchebag from the original Fast and the Furious movie, who has a job lined up, and wants their help. Of course, the job goes south, some retarded stunts happen, and the gang have now pissed off the big swinging dick of Rio, who wants a chip they have in their possession. Instead of running, they decide to assemble a team to rob the dude of all of his drug money while running away from the Rock, who plays a paramilitary-type con hunter for the FBI. In the end, they tear up Rio with a lot of shooting and a vault swinging from the back of 2 modded Chargers and get away with the money.

Read all of that? No? ...Too long, you say?

TL:DR version:

Shit happens with cars, the movie should have been called "Vin Diesel's Eleven," and the homoerotic tension between Vin Diesel and the Rock is ridiculous. Fast Five is what a 10 year old would think about if asked to make a movie about his definition of awesome.

They do the stunt from the beginning of XXX, just with the addition of Paul Walker this time.

On a side note, I'll point out that there's a minute or two in the movie where they just show off butts of Brazilian girls, and the truth is, girls with Portuguese genetics do have awesome butts. I can attest to that. Point for movie realism.

1 comment:

xina said...

portuguese butts ftw. ^^